A friend was telling me recently about a trip he took to another country, where physicians are seen as more esteemed than anyone else in the medical environment. He noted that when the doctor walks into the room all the nurses stop what they’re doing and stand at attention out of respect for the physician. Being a medical professional here in the U.S., he thought that was a pretty cool thing, and half-jokingly said that everyone should treat physicians in this way. I argued that eventually the physicians would start to believe they were better than others because they were repeatedly being treated that way.

There’s a theory about this, called the “Self-Fulfilling Prophecy,” which posits that if you hear something said about yourself often enough, you will eventually grow to believe that message and will start to behave accordingly. Someone’s actions can change to fit what started out as a non-truth about them. For example, calling a child “lazy” over and over will eventually change that child into a lazy person because they start to believe that message.

When we hear something repeatedly, we begin to believe it. The first time you hear something you may not even notice or pay attention. You hear that same thing a second time and you may notice it sounds familiar to you. A third time you hear something you may start to give it some attention and thought, and it becomes more “real” than it was previously. When you hear something a fourth time you start to accept it as factual.

What messages were you told as a child that still influence who you are today? If you had critical parents growing up, who told you that you weren’t good enough or that you couldn’t do anything right, you most likely are doubtful of your own abilities, and even of your own value. If you had parents who thought everything you did was amazing and wonderful, you probably have far more confidence than the average person.

The self-fulfilling prophecy can be used positively, whether you’re raising children or managing employees, or simply when you want to encourage change in another person. Rather than looking at the negative effects that the self-fulfilling prophecy can have, try encouraging someone by telling them positive things about themselves. If you say it often enough, they will begin to believe the words you say to them and then they will begin to act and behave as if those words were true. If you have a child who tends to be messy, and on a day they do a good job cleaning their room you strengthen and encourage a message to them that tells them they are good at cleaning up, then the next time they need to pick up they’ll hear that message. “I’m good at making my room look really nice,” for example.

There are three ways these repetitive messages work – 1) being repeated multiple times, over and over for long periods of time; 2) being said by multiple people; and 3) being said by someone who is respected or admired, or whose opinion matters to the message recipient. If a child’s parent, school teacher, and coach all tell a child the same type of message, the influence will be much stronger and the change result will be much faster and probably longer-lasting.

What messages are you giving to your children, to your employees, or to anyone else who looks up to you and takes your word as meaningful? Can you change the message around some, to positively influence someone’s beliefs about themselves and to positively change their behavior? If you’re giving negative messages to someone and impacting their beliefs about themselves negatively, how can you change the message to have a more positive influence? Let’s also not forget the messages we tell ourselves every day – what is it you’re telling yourself, over and over, that could be influence your own behavior and actions – choose positive, or choose negative, and you will become what you tell yourself over and over. Hearing or repeating new messages can, over time, replace old messages as well.