Do you remember the last time someone did something really kind for you? If so, how did it make you feel? Sometimes it’s hard for us to “receive” and to let others do things for us, but when someone does something out of kindness, it benefits both the recipient and the giver.

I recently met a couple who I now count among the list of kind people I know in my life. They are constantly helping other people, going out of their way to lift other people up. Watching them help other people amazes me and restores my faith in humanity, but I’ve also been the recipient of their kindness. I was overwhelmed with all of the painting and fix-it projects in the house I just moved into and, though I was slowly making my way through the projects, it was causing me a bit of stress. The list was long but I also have just felt “tension” because no matter where I go in my house I am surrounded by projects and things needing to be done. While I was out of town this past week, these two showed up, grabbed paint rollers, and painted a large portion of the walls on the main floor of my house. When I returned home last night from traveling, my front porch had been also decorated and made very welcoming and warm. The walls were painted, and I could breathe because I wasn’t surrounded by “to-do” tasks. They gave up their free time, their days off, and their own personal energy, to help me feel a sense of calm in my home. This is kindness, it’s giving to others for no other reason than just because someone has a need.

When my oldest daughter was young we had a thing we did that we named, “See a need, do a deed.” I was trying to teach my little girl to look around her, always, and see where there were people with some sort of need that we could possibly help with. Even if it was something simple like running ahead to open a door for someone who had their hands full, we tried to do a good deed of some kind every single day. We went to the post office one day and the clerk was struggling with his government stapler, which kept jamming and was frustrating him a bit. We went to the store, bought a new stapler, and I let my daughter go in and give it to him as I watched through the window. She was small, barely able to see the top of the counter, but she handed the stapler up and set it there for him. I watched his face – first confusion, then disbelief, and then a smile. One small thing, and it made him feel less alone in his struggle, and made him smile because he was shown a kindness. When my daughter came back out to the car, the experience had apparently been fulfilling for her, because she yelled, “Let’s do it again!”

Receiving kindness can make someone feel warm, appreciated, cared for, or just less alone. But giving kindness has its own benefit as well. Being kind to someone just feels good, as opposed to letting someone struggle and doing nothing. Giving a kindness to another person connects you with them in a way that’s different than other connections. It shows a level of caring, and empathy, and takes away that “struggling alone” feeling that we get so often when things are not going great.
If you remember the last time someone did something kind for you, remember how you felt. Wouldn’t you want to give that feeling to another person, to ease their struggle just a bit? And if you remember the last time you did something kind for another person, remember how you felt then as well. It’s just a good feeling, to give a kindness, to show another person some empathy and compassion, or even patience. Taking time and giving your own energy or other resources isn’t always the easy path, but if you give to another person, without expectation of anything in return, you will almost always, every time, feel good about it.

If you are giving kindness to another person with the expectation of something in return, that’s transactional, and not actually genuine kindness. It’s a trade, rather than a gift. Giving to another can also create resentment, because we are expecting something in return that we may not get. If you can learn to give kindness without any expectation of receiving something in return, you will start to enjoy giving, and start to feel good about the things you’re doing.

We all need to feel valued and worthwhile as part of the world around us. Giving to others is a way we can achieve that, because we are contributing something of value to another person, and/or to the community and the world that we are part of. Being a contributor feels a lot better than being a burden.

I would encourage you this week to “see a need, do a deed.” Look, every single day, all day, for opportunities to show kindness to another person. It doesn’t have to cost you money, and it doesn’t even have to take a lot of your time. Just look up, look around you, and start to see opportunities to ease someone else’s struggle in the slightest ways. You may find that the experience becomes something you want to do more and more. Imagine the world if we all were constantly looking for ways to show kindness, and to ease someone else’s burden.