"Don't look back." "Move forward." "Let it go." 

We've all been given these tidbits of advice, intended to prompt us into forward motion toward letting go of past grievances, hurt, anger, relationships, blame, or regret. It's great advice, really, if someone is holding onto something that seems to be hindering them in some way or causing continuous hurt. It's easier said than done, though. When someone feels as if they were misunderstood, wrongly accused, treated poorly, or otherwise put in a situation where they looked less than great because of it, it's a natural reaction for the person to want to fix the error, or right the wrong. Some people hold on to these situations for their entire lifetime, wishing those involved at the time would see the "real" story and take on a different view of the person. This rarely happens, though. People think what they want to think, they believe want they choose to believe, and correcting someone's perception of a situation or incident is a very difficult thing. So how does the person who is "wronged" move on? How do any of us press forward, stop looking back, and let things go from our past that hurt us? 

If someone came to me with this question, the first thing I would ask in response would be, "Why do you want to keep spending your days re-living and feeling that same hurt over and over?" This is why our friends are telling us to "let it go" -- they very much want us to stop hurting. Have you ever forgiven someone for something hurtful they did to you... even when they weren't sorry? It's a difficult thing. But such a freeing and releasing experience. If someone hurts me, and they go on with their life, and I continue to stew and mull and feel that hurt, who's won? It certainly isn't me. I may know, 100%, no doubt, that I am right and that person was wrong. But who is most affected by my holding on to that hurt and the associated negativity that comes from it? I learned once in a grad school counseling course that most anger comes from hurt. If you see someone who's very angry, or habitually angry, you can safely assume that they have been hurt - maybe badly, severely, and possibly repeatedly. Hurt can cause anger. Anger can be traced back to hurt. Knowing this, you may more easily feel compassion for someone who is angry or who expresses a lot of anger. This applies to children - I worked in a therapy home for poorly behaved children, and many of them had uncontrollable fits of anger. My goal was to get them to sit with me, learn to trust me, and work together to get to the source of their anger... their hurt and pain. Once we did that, they could start learning how to move beyond it and make a better life for themselves. 

I've experienced hurt in my life, just like most people have. Some of it involves trauma, some of it is just regular life experience kind of hurt. I've worked hard to not let this become anger, and to move forward with as much positivity as I can possibly create for myself. And I am much happier for that.  

Regret is another thing that causes unhappiness, and I'd like to challenge you right now to think about your own life. I read an article about a Rabbi who died in a plane crash, and had time to think on his life before the plane finally crashed. He, 30 years earlier, had preached a sermon on "the last 5 minutes," urging his congregation to imagine their own last 5 minutes - referring to the explosion and subsequent crash of the Challenger space shuttle, where the crew were aware the entire time they were plummeting toward the ocean. If you knew this was it - that you had 30 minutes to live, or even just half a day -- what would be your biggest regret? What things would seem no longer important to you? What rights would you want to make wrong? What relationships would you wish you had left intact rather than breaking apart, and what bridges would you wish you hadn't burned? What would you wish you had done differently? The ideal situation would be to be happy, at peace with your life, and to feel no regret. 

This is a possibility. Work on forgiveness. Let go of past hurts. Do all the things you hope and plan to someday do. Let go of regrets, and do all the things you don't want to someday regret not having done. Make others happy. Live fully. Love without reservation. Let someone love you. Do what you wish you could do with your life. Don't let anything stop you.  

Live with no regrets. You only get this one life.